Ok, so first of all, yesterday I booked an appointment to see a family solicitor about moving the paperwork forward on a divorce. I wanted to talk to Mark about it when he came over tonight, but he didn’t come over. That in itself is fine, just wish he’d let me know, went off to kickboxing with a lump of extra stress to work out.
Also today my deedpoll paperwork came through. I need to sign it and get it witnessed but I will soon be Wearing again legally (i’ve heard all the jokes darlings, honest). It’s oddly emotional. Freeing, but sad too. Another lock slamming into place behind the marriage that never really got started.
Thing is Mark is a good guy and I really did love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, so as much as it’s the right thing to do, for both of us, it’s not going to be pain free. Still, hardest part is over right? Anyone? You know what, nothing can be as hard as the last year (that’s not a dare universe), so whatever is to come I can handle it.
Kickboxing then, nearly two solid hours today, normal class then the grading. Cannot begin to tell you how much i ache, specially after a good cardio session in the gym and between my usual two 1&1/2 mile walks (to and from work) and walking out to a site visit I covered 5 miles walking today (2 in high heels, begged a lift back). I had my first grading, for the red belt. I felt prepared for it and feel capable of it so will be gutted if I didn’t get it, but I don’t find out for a week. AArgh!!
So, I think maybe i’ll bake something in preparation for the weekend, also because although it’s late for me, baking is soothing and I need soothing. I feel, happy and hopeful, but also a little tearful. Bruised and exhausted but way too hyped to sleep. Given the absence of a friendly shoulder to lean on (physical, I know I have the e version and that is much appreciated) I think baking is the next best thing.