On the day to day update, the lodger will be moving out by the 25th April, it just wasn’t working for me. I will try again to find someone mon-fri only.
My Judo coach is pleased with me because I’m becoming more aggressive. I love that. Well done you are a better brand of thug.
The blue muffins were yummy and I’m now contemplating pink and blue cookies.
My Mum thinks that on the one hand I am almost pathologically intolerant of people who don’t interest me and socially hampered and on the other hand that I share too much on facebook, I’m pleased she doesn’t know about this space. She thinks I should be nicer to dull people and more private with my online friends. While I accept she is probably right there are no changes planned.
Now what I wanted to ramble about today.
I used to have two elements to my life, my job and my partner. I’m lucky that the job I’ve had the last five or six years is one I love, most of the time and I work in a great team. Yes if I could afford to I’d be tempted to go part time but I wouldn’t want to quit. It’s stimulating and fun and I get to make a difference, sometimes physically to the City I live in (if you visit me in Leicester we will walk down my pink street). My relationships have never been quite so satisfying and have never played so much to my strengths. My home life has tended toward dull and anti social and apart from those first few lovely years with Mark, it has been largely unhappy since I set out to Uni. I’m not good at living with people, letting go of control and sharing my life and space, or responsibility. This was probably made worse by having partners who never took responsibility for anything, but the pattern is set and it will take a lot to change it.
Now I have three main threads to my life and all of them I would do full time if there were hours enough in the day. I still love my job of course, which is one. I also have Un:Bound which, while a little neglected this year is a source of huge pleasure to me and takes up plenty of time with one thing and another. I love the way it’s grown and spread and I hope sometime this year to see all the development work in the background really come to something. It’s an exciting time. Oh for more hours in the day to devote to it!
I also have the sports/fitness/martial arts. I adore the rough and tumble of Judo, the skill and brutality of Jiu Jitsu, the straight forward demands of kickboxing. I love running on the treadmill with the Lola Rennt soundtrack in my ears and the wrestling on the screen. I love doing weights and I even enjoy swimming for a few minutes, though I bore easily now. I want to get into road running and I’m looking forward to learning to get more out of the mornings in the gym. I think I pretty much have the whole body covered in work out terms now and I haven’t been this fit since I was a kid. I possibly still couldn’t climb a staircase with a bale of hay across my shoulders as I could in my teens, although I might. If I could train 4 hours a day six days a week I would. Actually some days I do train that much, but not often.
The result of all this working out is that I will be entering my first kickboxing tournament this summer. I was aiming for this year, expecting it to be late in the year, but hell I’ll take now over then any day. I don’t expect to look good or do well, but I am going to do everything I can to prepare. I’m nervous and excited and will give you more details when I firm things up with my coach. For now, lets go with EEEP! And leave it at that.
On top of all of that, I am more involved in my home, gardening and baking, hanging pictures and mirrors, than I ever was when I was there all the time. I’m seeing more of my friends, all be it squeezing in a quick coke before going to training or coffee at lunchtime, but still, I’m saying yes and finding time to see people instead of just retreating into my sofa. My life is fuller and more satisfying and yes, sometimes I miss Mark, how it was when we started. No one is going to drag me to Dunster every single time we go to Devon, or insist on a Die Hard marathon in October because then it’s officially nearly Christmas. Overall though, I am ok with my choices, the difficult days get fewer and if there is something of displacement about all my activity, I’m not convinced that matters.
So yeah, basically, still here, doing ok. There are bumps and false starts but really, I’m better than I’ve ever been. I’m rebuilding, better, faster, stronger. 😉