Maybe I should be a writer…

As the details of my marriage and our financial agreement are finalised and settled, as I look forward to a weekend away and try to clear my head to deal with the necessary areas of work, I find I am also talking to an old friend and trying not to cry, I’m shuffling my favourite tarot deck, unused for many years, i’m waiting for the next hypnosis appointment because there are thoughts I can’t shake and questions I can’t answer.

Among all that I listened to ‘love bites and bruises’ for the first time in ages. I’d forgotten how much I love this track, so for all the associations the Stuffies bring with them, good, bad, funny, traumatic and mostly from university, for everyone I tried to be and the me I forgot to allow myself to be for many years here is ‘Maybe’

Maybe I should be a writer, write a book and feel much brighter, share my
thoughts with the world.
Or maybe I could be a film maker, celluloid, more fun than paper, you never see the screen’s corners curl.
Aah maybe then I could be a lover, find a girl and win her over, and tell her that she’s the only one.
But maybe then a philanderer, I’d sneak around and lie to her, and kid myself that
I’m the happy one.
I’m not looking over four leaf clover, I’m just waiting for hell to freeze over.
Maybe I should take the mike, (mic’) stand up tall like Michael Stipe, and try to solve all the problems of the earth.
Or maybe then I should sit back down, scratch my chin and use my frown, and try to figure out exactly what I’m worth.
We’re still building churches, burning books, killing the babies to feed the crooks. Who said the world would turn out fair?
I’m not looking over four leaf clover, I’m just waiting for hell to freeze over.
So I guess I’ll dig myself a hole, ask the devil if he wants my soul, And do something real like cut my hair.
Ooh, “maybe this” and “maybe that”, it may be satin and it may be sack. won’t really matter much in the end.
May be my enemy, may be my friend? I’d drive myself around the bend, thanks for your time and ears to lend.
I’m not looking over four leaf clover, I’m just waiting for hell to freeze over.

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About Aunty Fox

'Fox Spirit is the crazy young aunt who dances in the rain and conjures fantastic worlds out of cardboard boxes, loo rolls and sellotape'
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2 Responses to Maybe I should be a writer…

  1. Kate Laity says:

    We don’t have to have the answers all the time and it’s all right to cry. But it gets better, it does. I am proof of that. Find those joys that restore you.

  2. Adele says:

    thanks hun, mostly i’m all good, just doing a lot of solicitor related paperwork.

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