I am now training 9-10 hours a week with my kickboxing club. That’s 9-10 hours of peace of mind, 9-10 hours of feeling happy and alive, 9-10 hours where even if I hurt all over and think i’m going to puke I feel fucking good. Some weeks it’s the only 9-10 hours. It may take some time for that to change. Everything is still hard.
I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. The last couple of weeks have been like that. You know, no matter how hard things got before I never struggled to get up and go into the office, that I could always handle. Now I just want to hide out at home then train.
I don’t want to talk to people really, I just want to fight until I feel ok. I don’t know how long it’s going to take to feel ok. I keep asking and I get the same answer, be patient with yourself, it takes time. I’m exhausted. All the time.