It’s that time of year again apparently. Fortunately my friends recognise it because I am a bit slow on the uptake.
I wasn’t expecting it and I wasn’t sure what was going on, but last weekend and frankly most of last week I was heavily emotional, very down, spontaneous crying jags, the lot. Then the time of year was pointed out. The nights are drawing in and I am driving to work in the dark. It’s a trigger. It sends a little bit of me emotionally, straight back to October 201o, living in my spare room like a lodger, eating noodles on my bed and trying to work out how to tell my then husband he has to move out. It’s stupid obviously, it’s 3 years ago now, I am not the same person I was, but it still happens, all of a sudden voices that were dormant or absent all year are attacking me again.
Thank fuck for good friends. Now I know what they are, echoes of the past, nothing more substantial than ghosts. They aren’t really even my voices any more, they are the voices of someone I used to be. So this weekend, with a whole two days of no plans beyond a friend dropping by for a coffee I decided I wasn’t taking any more of this shit. My life is exactly where I want it to be, work is heading to good places and exciting opportunities, I am training my arse off (literally) and have exciting new martial arts, along with the tentative new friendships it’s bringing me. I am in a good relationship. I’m even hoping to get my new tattoo before my birthday and Fox Spirit is doing exciting things. The past can’t have me, not when now is so much fucking awesome!