‘Overcoming shame’ or ‘the before and after’

I’ve been reading over at Fat Girl PHD lately, which is a bloody marvelous site. It’s made me think it’s maybe overdue the old before/after shots on here. In the name of being totally open with you all. The reason I haven’t posted them before is because I struggle with shame. I am finally getting to a point where I can almost look dispassionately at the ‘before’ pics and go ok, you know what, it mattered because I was struggling to do the things I want to do, but I didn’t hate myself and I shouldn’t feel ashamed of having been obese. It is what it is. Almost.

Now, the reason there are three pics.

2007 I am dangerously obese, it actually gets a little worse by 2008. 2010 – 2012 I go to the gym a lot, kickbox a lot and eat a little, divorce helping with the latter. Early 2012 I get down to ideal weight in my opinion, which is the middle pic. I still have those trousers, they are part of the ‘to get back into wardrobe’. Late 2012 – 2013 I gain again.  Feb 2014 just before I start work with Karl to get back down, you can see even with the gi that i’m bigger now than I was in early 2012. I’ve lost 18lbs since then but those combats are size 12 and i’m not quitefully down to a 14 yet.

I’ll talk more after the pic.


I think the thing that might be most worth noting, is that while in the middle picture I was at my thinnest since I was about 14, it’s the last one is which I am both healthiest and happiest with my body, not because of how I look but because of how I feel. These last few months since I’ve joined Shootfighters I’ve felt stronger and fitter and more confident than I can ever remember feeling. Losing body fat now will help me be better at grappling, will help with fitness and training and will have the added side affect of looking thinner. Worth remembering though I’d rather feel the way I do now than fit into those combats. Happily I expect to enjoy both in due course.


About Aunty Fox

'Fox Spirit is the crazy young aunt who dances in the rain and conjures fantastic worlds out of cardboard boxes, loo rolls and sellotape'
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