So Back in June 2010 before I knew most of you, when i’d just met some of you, I started seeing a hypnotherapist for stress. My husband was coming to the end of his six months sick leave after his anxiety problems and I had got to a point where I was not functioning at home or work. I was running away to stay at a friends as often as I could just to breathe. I’d already realised the relationship might not be salvageable, though I don’t think i’d given up on it yet
I was seeing the therapist every other week until January. Then I dropped to once a month. Pulling back from that part of the support network. I still regularly visit Leeds for a break. After my last weekend away I discovered something new. I didn’t need to be there anymore. I’ll still go, it’s nice to see friends, but for the first time coming home didn’t make me cry. I enjoyed leaving the day to day stresses behind but I didn’t feel the crushing weight of it all as I headed south on the M1, back home. I am content in my home at last. This house full of stress and anxiety and pain is finally restful and quiet and comfortable.
The intense crying jags have stopped I think. I have melancholy moments, but it’s all still very new, it’s to be expected. I don’t have the huge crippling lows though. Oh I had a day when I had a vicious stress headache, but again, I think once in a while it all has to find an outlet. I have to rest sometimes. The point of this rambling discussion of my mental state is that i’m finding, finally, steadily, I can hold myself upright again, stand on my own two feet, emotionally.
I have amazing friends, they’ve propped me up and held my hand and passed me tissues and have never left me to deal with this alone. I’ve been given a safe haven to hide and rest and I could not have got this far without them, but now… I love you guys and I know I have a way to go yet, but I hope to be leaning on you less and enjoying you more from here on in.